Sunday, November 16, 2014

What I Traded In to be Called Mommy

As moms we trade in a lot; our time, our space, our waistline, and sometimes our sanity. Of course, I would trade these things on any day of the week (just don't ask me on a really bad week) for these little ones. However, there are times that I sit back and reflect on what I traded in to be called mommy. So, here's my list of the things that I have accepted that will never be again, and if my kids strike it rich one day, I have a well documented list of what they owe me.

Tight Fit. There go those size 4 Gap jeans from college hanging ever so nicely in the back of my closet. Why are they still there after almost nine years....well because one day I'm going to be able to fit my leg in them. Granted this may not happen until the 25th of Neveruary but I'm gonna keep hope alive.

Bikini Dreamin' I will never, ever, ever wear a two-piece bikini again, unless I want people to mistake me for Tony the Tiger. It looks like I was in a cat fight and I was unmistakably the loser. Now, I have friends that have had kids and you can't even those friends ya'll make me sick (I still love you!). I have accepted this, and I just accessorize my two-piece with a sarong and pretend that the reason I wear a cover-up is to be modest. The truth is if I had a flat stomach that hadn't been stretched four ways from Sunday (no I don't know what this saying means but it seemed to fit), I would be flaunting it all over town.

Bathroom Buddies. Going to the bathroom alone nowadays is a luxury. If my toddler isn't coming in the bathroom saying "good job mommy" every time I go tinkle, than my older ones are banging on the door asking for something random that obviously couldn't have waited ten more minutes. The bathroom should be a place of peace; a place where you can collect your thoughts. Sike, not anymore. Now the bathroom is a hideout, where you might be safe if you can get in and lock the door fast enough.

Intelligence. This is pretty self explanatory, I really think I became slightly dumber after having kids. They say you lose brain cells after having children (I'm not quite sure who "they" are). I used to be pretty darn smart, if I do say so myself. However, the other day I thought Minneapolis was a state (shhhh don't tell anybody else about that). I don't know where my brain went, sometimes I can't even remember what day of the week it is or what I walked into the kitchen to get. I guess as long as I don't engage in any collegiate debates anytime soon, I should be able to get by on this one.

The Sophisticated Look. With a double stroller, and a mickey mouse backpack, I kind of lose that look of sophistication. Heels and expensive purses are a thing of the past (except the few times I get to go out and party like its 1999). Ever tried to push a double stroller in 6 inch heels?...bad idea. There's some moms that can pull it off but I'm not one of them. So my daily attire usually consists of tights, a sweatshirt, and Uggs, and I'm not sure how serious people take a person in Uggs. In my defense though, that lambskin inside those things sure are comfy.

Weight A Minute. I have given up on ever being the same weight I was before I had kids. If it happens fine, if it doesn't well I won't be shocked. I love food, and when I got pregnant, I ate, and I ate good. However, there is a consequence of eating that gain weight! Now, I have done exercise programs, and all of that jazz and I have lost a considerable amount of my baby weight. However, I think I'll keep a few lbs. as a souvenir of motherhood.

Gettin' Some Zzzz. What I wouldn't give to be able to take a nap. Naps don't get the credit they deserve, they are awesome. Taking a nap can change your life, it makes you feel all nice and rejuvenated. I remember the days when I could just come home and go to sleep anytime I wanted. Now, trying to take a nap is like trying to hop the fence at the White House (you will get shot down).

Although I may have traded in a lot, I definitely gained a million times more. The love that our kids give us is worth its weight in gold. However, there will be times that you find that old picture of yourself at the bottom of your drawer and think, "man, my kids owe me big time!"

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